Beating the egg timer. Confessions of a dying chef.

Hello dear readers and or reader? I hope somebody is reading this as I am not sure how much time I have left. I am literally beating the clock. (So far so good, better knock on wood). I am not prone to superstition but why tempt the gods? ;)

It must be said from the get go that I am NOT a gifted writer. I am not claiming to be a gifted anything for that matter.

Every story has a beginning so I suppose I shall start from there which will give you the reader and idea of how I got 'here' and the reason as to why I am typing this blog.

The beginning is simple enough I suppose. I won't bore you with My made for TV Lifetime true story movie (all though I doubt you would be bored, most likely the reader would accuse Me of embellishing the truth) but the story is true enough and yes, quite strange.

As it were, I have always been 'good at things' a grand number of things but have never committed Myself to honing in and fine tuning in on just 'one thing'. Wait, I suppose that isn't totally accurate. I am good at playing the Violin (all though I never committed to it as I should have). I AM good at singing but then again, who isn't? You are either born with that talent or you aren't right? I think that's right.

Hmm OK, so I am good at many things, I am just not one to commit to just one thing. This is going to change starting right here and right now. I am not sure if anyone is going to read this. I am not even sure how people find peoples 'blogs' as I have never had a blog of My own before. I have never even ventured to search for a blog before and would be hard pressed as to instruct someone on how to search for/find a blog.

Moving along now. I used to be somebody. Really I was someone quite spectacular if I do say so Myself. Toot toot goes My horn. The brass section is playing loudly today. I used to be a model of sorts and did a few photo shoots. I even landed Myself on the cover of a car magazine. I was so happy with My life back then... (back then seems so long ago).

I am actually a muscle car enthusiast and own a car older than I am. I have always owned old cars. I work on them too (at least I used to) now I mostly just tinker around all though I can still jump My car using a screwdriver. ;)

I used to tour around and sign autographs, do burnouts etc. What fun! I worked part time at a parts store as a parts monkey. My other job was working for Christian Dior. I am very big into fashion which always struck My car friends as funny. I could tell you what was Chanel or Gucci and in the same breath tell you how to set the timing on your 383 engine. I finally realized My dream (what I thought was My dream) and became a Flight Attendant. I was accepted into ground school after an interview and an extensive background check/drug test/etc.

What a life right? Jet setting across the globe? WRONG! Well, I am not being totally honest when I say this but for the most part? Being a Flight Attendant sucked the big one. It was like getting bent over without ever receiving a reach around. Early mornings...waking up at 3 or 4 AM and getting yourself ready and onto the airport shuttle and off to do 5 legs in one day. Some legs were extremely quick turns which gave Us no time to eat or even think about anything else but the 'job'. I was VERY good at My job and made employee of the month which is a pretty big deal when you consider who I was working for. I have been though emergencies in the air including our plane being on fire, our tires popping on takeoff, our landing gear not functioning and almost crash landing into a hanger due to poor weather conditions and ice not having been cleared off of the ground We were landing on.

I dealt with psychos, nut jobs, drunks, drug addicts and terminal pains in the ass on a regular daily basis. I wanted to punch some of these people in their you know whats... (no, not their mouths).

Lets see, I was based in PHL, DCA, and ORD. I had no life outside of a metal tube. My marriage was suffering as I was never home. I had to live part time at the places I was based at (domiciles) in crash pads with other Aviation workers. Pilots, gate agents and FA's like Myself. I even lived with a cool chick who worked for the Pentagon and was pretty high up in the Army. She later moved on to work at NORAD (you know, the guys who will shoot Us down if some nut job hijacks one of our planes).

I was in the Aviation business for years...long hard years which when I look back on it, I see as 'doing time' but with some benefits. The pay was horrible. Not being with your loved ones was horrible, not having enough time off in one consecutive time period to enjoy traveling for free was the worse! I have been to England and stayed only 3 days. I have been to Germany and stayed only a week...etc. I never had enough time off to really enjoy the traveling as much as I would have liked. I did however appreciate the life experience which leads Me to where I am now...a serious foodie. Traveling around the world put Me in a position to try a variety of foods that were alien to Me. I was in Scotland and tried a dish called Haggis. I thought it was simply WONDERFUL! I thought....it was fish. I had it at breakfast, I had it for lunch, I had it for dinner as you could get it made in many different ways. I had it rolled out with olives..still thinking it's fish. When My friend (Airline Pilot I was with at the time) told Me what haggis really was? I nearly turned blue, but, surprisingly, I didn't care that much. I would have it again and agian and agian. I don't care what it is as long as it taste good. :)

Later on in My career I became run down. I thought this was simply due to being at a new domicile and on reserve as I had missed the bidding period. Seniority is everything in the Aviation industry. Ask anyone. My urine started turning orange...and dark... I was tired yet I could not sleep (as I have always been a hopeless insomniac). I never had enough time off to go visit My doctor who practices in Indianapolis. I was in Chicago. I did manage to get home and had some test run. I had to call in sick to the Airlines for a little while and then went back as the test were inconclusive at the time. Again, I got sick and had to come home and call off sick. The Airlines do not like sick FA's. They want dependable people at the gate all the time. They aren't interested in your problems or about your safety or health. The FAA gives even less care to the lives and safety of those in the Aviation industry. The FAA sucks and you can quote Me on that.

To make a long story a little shorter, the Airlines got tired of Me being sick and I was given the option of 'retiring' and not being fired. I chose that option just in case I wanted to come back in good standing with them or another airline after My health issues were addressed and fixed...only..they weren't fixed. My biological father died at an early age...the exact age I was when I was diagnosed with My illness. I was given less than two weeks to live. I had three operations and the doctors feared I would go into shock. I was not expected to make it out of the hospital. Everyone was called to My room to tell Me goodbye...even a member of the cloth. I had no idea. I was the last one to know. My doctor/specialist tells Me that he informed Me of what was happening but that I was on morphine and most likely did not hear him or understand what he was relaying to Me. I suppose that is a good thing because I feel that since I did not know how dire the situation was, I just kept going on like usual. My heart kept beating, I kept smiling and was looking forward to going home. After I beat the two week death clock, I was given less than six months to live. Not good odds. I was so weak that I had to walk with a cane and ride around in one of those motorized carts at the grocery store. Me, from racing in a hot rod car, from flying in a jet plane to be reduced to piddling around in a motorized cart that went all of 3 miles per hour. I flipped over in one before and was humiliated. I was so embarrassed and felt like less of a person as people stood there and gawked at Me laying on My side sprawled out on the cold tiles of the grocery store. I was dying. To add insult to injury, My husband left Me after I got sick and My father had to take care of Me. I was supposed to be the one taking care of My father as he is a diabetic with heart issues (he adopted Me) and here I was having to have him help Me get dressed, help Me get on the toilet, help Me get in and out of the tub. Mortifying I tell you! I lost so much weight, loss all of My muscle mass and became a ghost of My former beautiful self. My flight bags no longer being toted across numerous airports around the world...My wings collecting dust... sigh.

I suppose the way I felt is how a bird must feel like when his wings are clipped. No longer able to fly high. Just able to..hop around and survive on solid ground. I miss the sky. I miss the clouds..I miss so much.

I still had My gumption though, I still had My fight and...I discovered the Food Network much to My fathers dismay.

One day, My father took Me to a store as I wanted to get some candles. Candles are My weakness. This store however, happened to be a store that held kitchen appliances, cookware, and all sorts of cool gadgets. This store was the now defunct Linens And Things. I fell in love instantly with this store and wanted to move in there and sleep on one of their beds at night. It all started there. I started accumulating various kitchen appliances and gadgets. For Christmas I got My baby...a giant professional Kitchen-Aid stand up mixer. I suppose it would be more of an honest to say that It all really started with the mixer. I LOVE that thing. I even started buying the add on's such as the pasta maker, the shredders, etc. I started making breads, cookies, candies, and world fare. The problem was this: I didn't have anyone to share these great creations with. I would give a lot of things to My dads girlfriends son but for the most part, it was just My father and I left here to to eat these things. I made cheesecakes, cheese balls, cheese puffs, etc. Beef Wellington, you name it, I made it. I use My mixer everyday that I am here. I of course, cannot use it when I am hospitalized all though I have thought about having it dropped off in My room so I can at least look at it and make sure it's OK. Yes, I love My mixer that much. I even named it.

Linens And Things went bankrupt and I had to find some news shops to keep Me alive. I truly think that cooking saved My life. I had a reason to wake up everyday. A reason to live...I lived to cook and the love of food has kept Me going over two years past My 'expiration date'. I started going to Bed Bath And Beyond which I like a great deal not to mention the fact that they send out 20 percent off coupons to Me. I also started going to Le Gourmet Chef which is a nice store but a little bit overpriced on the same items that Bed Bath And Beyond sells. However, they do sell some hard to find items that you cannot find at your average grocers so I still like to browse there.

I started taking pictures of My creations and to be honest, I haven't had too many mishaps in the kitchen. I have had a few blunders and episodes that would if recorded would probably win Me 100K on America's Funniest Videos though. As it were, I still haven't had too many bad experiences in the kitchen. I seem to have a knack for making something work. If I don't have a tool for a recipe..I make one. If I don't have an ingredient such as say...buttermilk. I make My own buttermilk. It always seems to work out. My husband is the same way when it comes to cars and everyday handy work. He can fix anything and makes his own tools when he doesn't have one.

But your husband left you...didn't you tell Us that Eve? Yes he did but We have been married for 13 years, We still love each other. We still have feelings for each other and he came back to help Me out during My sickness. We have reconciled and I don't hold any bitter feelings towards him inside of Me.

So, here I am, young and disabled but not defeated. I am beating the clock each and every day. I am living to cook and to try new things and now? Now I need a project. I need to cook for you! I am going to try and create a new recipe each day or to at the very least try a new recipe already created each day and share My results with you.

You, dear reader may also write in and give Me some ideas on what to try. Do keep in mind that I don't have a great deal of money. I have a great imagination though and can work wonders with less expensive ingredients. If you provide the ingredients however, I will cook whatever you like. I'll even send it to you if it isn't perishable within a few days. I will take pictures, tell you the highs and lows, the pitfalls of a recipe and the dos and do don'ts. I will even try and post videos (I am not too gifted at this computer thing) but will try My hardest to upload anything I think pertinent or that you the reader may like to see.

Let Me know. Together We may have a few laughs, maybe shed a few tears but We will always share great recipes and great recipes never die. Food...passing on your recipes is a way to have a small piece of immortality I think. If I can share something with another that brings them as much happiness as it brought Me for generations to come? So be it.

Last night I made homemade cheese crackers. YUM! They came out perfect and I froze several logs of the dough to make more today as I am sure that I will end up eating this whole bag before the day is done. My grandfather said I was part rat because of My love for cheese.

I think he was right. I love all sorts of foods but cheeses, breads, and oddly enough, brined things such as olives, pickles, etc. really tickle My fancy. I even like anchovies. Salty things really float My boat. In fact, I collect salt. Yes, salt. Without salt this world would be pretty boring don't you think? I believe it was the French (leave it to the French) who got so upset about salt being taxed that they went to war over the issue.

If you have any salts that you would like Me to try please write and tell Me about them. I could spend the whole day sampling salts and the same goes for cheeses. I will try anything once. (I think) so if you have a particular ingredient that you would like Me to try, let Me know and if I can afford it and if it is readily available to Me, I will try it and tell you what I think. I may even take a picture of My face as I try it so you can see My reaction. ;)

I wonder if anyone will read this....I wonder how anyone will know to read this? I don't have any friends so to speak so it's not like I can pass out business cards with My blog address on it. I don't even remember the address. I suppose it's in an email or something. Blah!

Later on I will have to tell you about My 'Amish Friendship Bread' debacle. A note on Amish Friendship Bread:

Don't accept the starter! You are committed after that. I accepted 3 starters and ended up with bread coming out of My ears! I had made over 20 small loaves of bread and of various flavors. I got to be creative in the kitchen with My flavors which I love and ended up making a few good gems that My husband refuses to let Me pass along. He told Me that I need to save one recipe I made from the world and to not share it! My goodness he is selfish. I try to get him to take food I make to his friends at his office and he refuses. When I ask him why he replies "Because it's MY food and I'm not sharing".

Childish no? Still it makes Me feel good that he likes My cooking so much. :D

Well, I am going to close for now. I think I will make some small fruit pies today and of course, the rest of those cheese crackers. I will take pictures and will take pictures of My future ventures. I also have pictures I have already taken of My creations to upload. All in due time. I am a little tired right now and need to take a break.

Till then, keep cooking and live everyday as if it is your last. It just may be.

Bon Apatite!

Evie.